What is Palāsa (domineering)?

Have you ever encountered someone in your life who was domineering?  It can happen even in everyday conversation: someone who relates any topic or idea back to herself or himself. Maybe they are monopolizing the conversation or competing in one-upsmanship. Palāsa, this quality of domineering, is one of the sixteen upakkilesas in Early Buddhist suttas.

If you interact with palāsin, someone who exhibits this quality, it is important to remember that their behaviour doesn’t justify treating them poorly. You can prepare yourself for dealing with palāsin - whether it is someone you already know or a chance encounter with a stranger - by considering the following:

1. Choose when to engage, and on what topics

There are some people who may be best to avoid, and there are others for whom a discussion that is thoughtful and introspective may help them release patterns of thought which cause palāsa. Changing the topic is a good way to avoid getting bogged down in unproductive discussions.

2. Depersonalize the situation

Remember that we are more than just our words or actions, and in fact our words and actions are impermanent snapshots of current conditions. A palāsin is a person, who can change, and even their harshest words do not harm you or any future you.

3. Focus attention on the palāsin - 

This may seem counterintuitive, but a discussion about yourself is unlikely to help a palāsin. By listening intently and seeing meaning behind their words, and by asking questions or encouraging thought, you can lead them into a conversation that may help you both understand the palāsin better.

4. Remain calm and composed

As is the case in any situation, approach it from lovingkindness, knowing that it very well may be unpredictable.

5. Turn reactions into constructive and probing pro-actions

As an impulse to react arises within you, look at it and see how you can change or direct it so that it has a positive effect on the palāsin.

6. Think ahead to avoid traps

Discussion can be like a game of chess. If you are mindful of a conversation, you can see where it could be heading. Consider your words carefully so you don’t wander into difficult terrain.