Forgiveness (Explanations) : Forgiveness Meditation Retreat by Bhante Dr. Gangodawila Chandima @Seck Kia Eenh 釋迦院 (SKE), Malacca (June 22-23, 2024)

 

Forgiving brings happiness, and harbouring hostility brings suffering. 

Is confession or repentance a necessary precondition to the Buddhist practice of pardoning or forgiving?

Buddhist teachings emphasize that forgiveness is unconditional and does not need repentance. Buddhist practitioners regularly train their minds to be adaptable and forgiving, even if the wrongdoer has not repented.

- Apology and forgiveness are two fundamental behaviors that can be viewed as two sides of the same coin. According to the Buddha, not forgiving people who have wronged us when they apologize is not a good act.

E.g (1) The Aṅguttara Nikāya (AN) 2.21 and the (SN) 11.24 explain that there are two types of fools: the first being a person who does not see his or her hurt as a hurt, and the second, one who does not rightfully pardon (in accordance with the Dhamma) another who has confessed his or her hurt. There are also two types of wise people: the first being one who sees his or her transgression as a transgression, and second, one who rightfully pardons another who has confessed his or her transgression.

E.g (2) “He abused me, he ill-treated me, he got the better of me, he stole my belongings” […] the enmity of those harboring such thoughts cannot be appeased. “He abused me, he ill-treated me, he got the better of me, he stole my belongings;” […] the enmity of those not harboring such thoughts can be appeased. (Dhammapada Verse 4-5)

-Forms of Hurt

lies to verbal offence or even physical assault.

-The link between forgiveness and patience (khanti) 

- Forgiveness as an act of Mettā (unlimited friendliness), Karuṇā (compassion), Muditā (altruistic joy), and Upekkhā (equanimity)

The practice of forgiveness is always advocated for the benefit of the Buddhist practitioner, regardless of whether the transgressor has repented, as compassion is perceived as an antidote to suffering. 

- Forgiveness is not only a form of self-interest, but indeed the best form of self-interest

Background to Forgiveness

Forgiveness allows us to be liberated from the memories of our past sorrows. It has the potential to develop, even though it can arise spontaneously. You must possess a comprehensive understanding of the concept of forgiveness before engaging in forgiveness practice. Forgiveness does not in any way justify or condone harmful actions. While you extend forgiveness, you may also declare, "I will never again knowingly enable this to occur." You can resolve the situation to prevent more harm. Forgiveness does not necessitate that you pursue or communicate with those who have caused you harm. You have the option of never encountering them again.

What is forgiveness? 

Forgiveness is a sincere act that involves the release of the pain, resentment, and outrage that have been burdening you for an extended period. It is a feeling of tranquillity within you. At times, we have all caused harm to ourselves and others, as well as harmed ourselves.

How long does it take to forgive? 

For most, forgiving takes time. Forgiveness can take years after deep wounds. It will go through many stages—grief, anger, sorrow, fear, and confusion—but letting yourself feel your suffering can free your heart. You will see that forgiveness is for your own benefit, a way to release past grief. The fate of the person who hurt you, living or dead, is less important than your heart. If you're forgiving yourself, your guilt, or your harm to others, the process is the same. You'll find you can't carry it.

Things you should know about forgiveness

1. Now, others' unforgiveness is easier to see. It is easier to notice how past situations affect them now.

2. I am more aware of when I am not accepting or forgiving, but I still reach those emotions even though I am aware of them.

3. As time goes on, people forget how important it is to forgive for the present as well as the past. To forgive, we are taught to think about the past. But that's only half of the process; the other half is to do it in the present. This can save a lot of pain and trouble.

4. To forgive someone in the present, we have to accept them as they are. This means that we forgive them for being different, the way they think, or the way they are. Accepting that we can't change things or events is part of it. It may be wise not to try to change them anyway.

5. It's easy to forgive someone from a distance. However, what appears to be simple from a distance becomes rather complex when done in person. No matter how much you believe you have forgiven someone, old habits of anger toward them can resurface.

6.  Most people are unaware of their underlying resentments or forgiveness conditioning from childhood. They just don't see how it affects the present or even know it's there. Forgiving someone in your mind, or even just believing that you have forgiven them, is not the same thing as actually doing it.

7. It makes sense to think that most people who say they are over it and have forgiven everyone are either not realizing they haven't forgiven anyone, are lying to themselves, or are just acting like they have. I bet that if we worked together, we could make them angry in less than a minute.

Buddhist aspects of forgiveness extend beyond healing.

- Intention-Based Forgiveness

- Detached Forgiveness

Buddhist theory posits that all entities are impermanent and devoid of a "self-essence," which means that someone who is an enemy today may become a friend tomorrow. In other words, forgiveness is not only feasible, but also a sensible action to take.

- Forgiveness as a Competency/strength 

Forgiveness is not only a conceptual understanding or idealistic imperative in Buddhist spiritual practice; it is also a matter of pragmatic competence. The more a practitioner is able to forgive, the more flexible their mind becomes, which in turn makes it simpler to forgive in the future.

- Levels of Knowledge and Level of Personal Cultivation with regard to the Forgiving