Gratitude (Explanations) : Gratitude Meditation Retreat @BMV by Bhante Dr. Gangodawila Chandima (June 15, 2024)

1. Background

Gratitude is a part of samma diṭṭhi https://patisota.blogspot.com/2021/06/tenfold-mundane-right-view-noble-right-view.html

-Our default setting is "self-centredness". We are naturally ungrateful (default setting). Beware of passive-aggressive gratitude! I.e., “I’m grateful my annoying sibling/co-worker finally shut up”

-Cetanā (intention) in regard to the gratitude

- Kindness and all other brahmaviharas as offshoots of Gratitude Practice  

- Self-care

Self-care is gratitude, . Gratitude can be done on your own, but can also be a tool to deepen emotional intimacy.

-Mindfulness practice requires gratitude (self-care).

-Form of gratitude (generous appreciation and no stinginess [no macchariya])

-Opposite of gratitude (ungratefulness, envy)

“Dveme, bhikkhave, puggalā dullabhā lokasmiṁ. Katame dve? Yo ca pubbakārī, yo ca kataññū katavedī. Ime kho, bhikkhave, dve puggalā dullabhā lokasmin”ti.

“These two people are hard to find in the world. Which two? The one who is first to do a kindness, and the one who is grateful and thankful for a kindness done.” — The Buddha, in the Anguttara Nikaya (AN 2:118).

*The Buddha isn't just telling the harsh truth about people when he says that grateful and kind people are hard to find. When you find these rare people, he encourages you to treasure them, and more importantly, he shows you how to become one yourself. You can work on being kind and grateful, but you have to do it at the same time. Each needs the other to be real, which is clear when you think about the three things that are most likely to make someone truly grateful:

1) Someone else's acts have actually helped you.

2) You believe that those acts were done for a good reason.

3) You get the feeling that the other person went out of their way to help you.

In points one and two, we learn that being grateful makes us more kind: People don't want to receive "help" that isn't actually helpful, so if you want to be truly kind, you have to contribute to their well-being in a way that shows you care about and value their requirements. No one likes getting a gift that was given with bad intentions or in a rude or offhand way.

Points 2 and 3 are lessons that gratitude learns from being kind. You won't believe that other people can be kind to you until you've been kind to someone else. That being said, if you've ever been nice to someone, you know how hard it is. There are times when kind and mean parts of our hearts fight with each other, making it hard to be helpful. Sometimes it means giving up a lot, which you can only do if you trust the person you're helping to use your help well. As a result, when someone makes a sacrifice like that for you, you feel like you owe them something and need to return their trust.

This is why the Buddha always talks about gratitude in terms of responding to kindness and never as a general form of praise. This is a unique form of thanks that makes you want to do more. In this case, two sections where the Buddha talks about carrying best show the difference.

2. Gratitude Teachings from the Buddha

1. “I tell you, monks, there are two people who are not easy to repay. Which two? Your mother & father. Even if you were to carry your mother on one shoulder & your father on the other shoulder for 100 years, and were to look after them by anointing, massaging, bathing, & rubbing their limbs, and they were to defecate & urinate right there [on your shoulders], you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. If you were to establish your mother & father in absolute sovereignty over this great earth, abounding in the seven treasures, you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. Why is that? Mother & father do much for their children. They care for them, they nourish them, they introduce them to this world.

“But anyone who rouses his unbelieving mother & father, settles & establishes them in conviction; rouses his unvirtuous mother & father, settles & establishes them in virtue; rouses his stingy mother & father, settles & establishes them in generosity; rouses his unwise mother & father, settles & establishes them in wisdom: To this extent one pays & repays one’s mother & father.“— Anguttara Nikaya (AN 2:32)

- In some passages the Buddha recommends expressing gratitude for parents' compassion with personal services.

Mother & father,
compassionate to their family,
are called
Brahma,
first teachers,
those worthy of gifts
from their children.
So the wise should pay them
homage,
honor
with food & drink
clothing & bedding
anointing & bathing
& washing their feet.
Performing these services to their parents,
the wise
are praised right here
and after death
rejoice in heaven. — Itivuttaka, 106

3. Admire what you have acquired in this life (self-gratitude) AN 4.62

(i) Atthi sukha: The happiness that comes from having money and land, even if you aren't using or enjoying it. "The amount of credit I have is growing, and so is the size of my business. The prices of my properties and stocks are also going up." This sukha is the happiness of having something.

(ii) Bhoga sukha: When the joy of possession becomes the joy of enjoying things. One's happiness goes up when this happens. Being rich gives you many comforts, like seeing beautiful things, hearing beautiful music, smelling sweet scents, tasting tasty foods, and touching someone nice. All of these things make people happy.
(iii) Anaṇa sukha means the happiness of not having any debts. Every honest homeowner knows how terrible it is to have a lot of debt. People are happy when their debts are paid off.

(iv) Anavajja sukha: Not to do things that are against the Dhamma.

4.Using your blessings as opportunities to generate more positive karma rather than just enjoying the pleasure they bring.

5. Benefits of Gratitude Practice

-The more you look for things to be grateful for, the more things you will find, which actually reduces the attention and time spent focusing on negative events, emotions and thoughts.

-Grateful people have better self-control and are more easily able to delay gratification. Which is very useful if you’re trying to break a bad habit like nail-biting or smoking or introduce a new healthy habit, like drinking water regularly.

-Being on the lookout during your day for your grateful moments helps keep you focused in the present moment which reduces anxiety and improves attention.'

- Spiritual Growth happens with Gratitude